Delta High School is going through the largest ditching crisis in history.  Faculty at DHS have been desperately searching for a solution to solve this problem.  After much discussion, the district decided to hire tigers to brutally maul any student caught cutting class.

The US Special Forces will be sent out into the woods of Siberia to capture the nearest and most endangered species of tiger. These tigers will be transported back to the US, where they will be put in cages in the cafeteria at DHS.  

These tigers will then be released into the hallways every time the bell rings, and if students don’t get to class in time, they will be eaten. Local student at DHS Teagan Wells talks about his experience with the tigers, “They ate my cornrows, but it had to happen, for the greater good.”

To ensure the tiger’s safety, they will be equipped with laser eyes and flame breath.  We can see that DHS is a very humane organization and takes into account the well-being of these innocent creatures.  We will also open a tiger petting zoo where students can reach their hands into the tiger’s cage and pet them. This is where DHS student Michael Dunning was recently devoured by the tiger. This honorable student’s  last words were, “anything for the safety of our school.” A true loyal student!

The school district has thought hard about how we will be feeding the tigers. 

Each week, students will bring in one of their pets to school to feed to the tigers, and in return, they will be granted five poncho pesos for cats, 10 poncho pesos for dogs, and three poncho pesos for anything else.

These tigers will all be put on the school faculty section of the DHS website. DHS hopes that the students will be welcoming to the newest furry faculty additions.